Procrastination annoyances

For anyone out there who, in some mad fit of creativity, decides to write some fan fic (real person or otherwise) or the more manly version- the survivalist story, do me a few simple favors, please?

Ignoring most punctuation issues, and the inability of some people to use the verb "to be", there are some common problems that crop up.

Lack of research. If your character is taking a trip on an airline, and in first class, they don't have to board last, A isn't an aisle seat, and they *don't* actually strip search everyone getting on the plane. If your character is *flying* the plane, their arm falling asleep and causing them to pull the stick left or right will not, generally, turn the plane- not directly, anyway... Might flip it over tho.

If you're writing a Marysue, give your character at least one fault- your female cannot be totally perfect, I don't care if she pops her gum or drools when she sleeps, your male character cannot be rambo, with a pile of guns and cool military-guy toys no sane ATF-type would ever let you keep in one person's name.

And that brings me to realism. i know, bad in these fantasy stories, but.. well... I can only suspend my disbelief so far. So if you've got everyone munching on Doritos in france, and sucking down beer, i'm gonna have a problem with it. And if your rambo dude is carrying 75lbs in brand new boots over 100 miles of untamed mountain, i'm gonna laugh at you. a lot. Like I laugh at people who've obviously never been on a plane but write a story about flying.

Oh, yeah, and if your characters go somewhere interesting, like South East Asia, could they please not get attacked, or use sit down potties? this is back to the research thing, but is also that whole rampant xenophobe thing. Places that aren't where you're from aren't actually a glimpse into hell. heck, they even have electricity and running water in most of them.

Now, for the far more important part.

If you can not actually write, please don't try.

If you have more than one person speaking in a paragraph, I will personally hunt you down and whack you with my flippy ruler. it gets extra swing. Unless you like getting thwacked with a ruler, in which case I will come up with something else. Maybe read very old, very boring translations of very bad books at you.

Their car- the car belonging to them. There car- go that way, car. They're car- they are car? ok, that one's never gonna work.

similarly- you're trouble- you are trouble. your trouble- the trouble belonging to you.

If you aren't sure which of these goes where, please, please, please, just pick one and use it throughout. Please! And learn to use too! it means also! to does not mean also. It's kinda directional. You don't go too the grocery store, and neither do you go to fast. Unless you are actually going somewhere for not eating. I've honestly been reading a story (survivalist- I can only read so much "and then the really hunky actor/ musician/ whatever fell madly in love with my mind and we made out like bunnies" stuff before what's left of my brain melts totally and dribbles out my ears.) where the writer seems to cycle randomly through their/they're/there and you're/your, while somehow never once hitting the right one. no, I don't know how, but let that be a lesson to you about playing the lotto. he has a ~30 or ~50% chance of getting the right one, but by changing around, he's always wrong instead.

where was I? oh, yeah. Please, please, please, don't write unless you can really write. Or at least, if you do, don't put it where anyone else can ever read it.

and, tho this blog is a work of near total fiction (except the procrastination and food stuff, and even some of that), i exclude it from any and all places I goof on all that stuff I just bitched about.

and everyone Does know that capitalization is to be used at the owner's discretion, right?

j.