There are people in the world who plan everything out. I'm sure you've met them, they know what they're wearing a week from next wednesday, eating for lunch tomorrow, and usually carry around a list.
I am not one of those people. I guess you could call me impulsive- when I see something and there's even the slightest chance it'll work out, I jump. That's how I got into this mess in the first place. I could say that there were plans, that I saved to move halfway around the world, that I thought out how everything was going to work, how I was going to pay for everything, and what I'd do if it didn't work out. But I mostly didn't, so that would be a big hairy lie.
I only really bring this up because I was thinking about it this morning, while trying to get a couple hours sleep. I've done it again, you see- jumping with little plan and next to no safety net. Only this time I sort of did plan, I just didn't leave myself much time to pull everything together.
Oh, and I quit my job and moved to a state with pretty seriously bad unemployment.
But mainly I jumped.
Laying in bed, thinking about what I need to pay, and where the money is going to come from, trying not to feel like puking blood (yay, stress!) is a pretty good way to make yourself regret jumping. So is talking to someone who has no idea why you're so gung ho on the exact budget that you're looking at for something. Talking to my father is like this. My monthly bills, so huge and overwhelming to me, are like nothing to him. He can't understand why I'm stressing out, why I don't just use my whole emergency fund to get a car.
Heck, he thinks I should get a loan and just get a better car.
I don't know if sitting him down and showing him where my cash goes, and what I need each month to break even now would get through to him. I don't know that he'd even really listen. After all, what's a couple hundred dollars here and there.
I just don't know.
"Coming out" about my debt to (mostly) total strangers on the internets is much easier than the idea of laying it all out for my family.
So, mostly total strangers on the internets, what would you do? Tell them with charts and graphs, or let everyone think all is puppies and roses, or some other option I just don't see right now?
I moved back to South Carolina at the beginning of February. I haven't had a car since before I went NZ in Feb. of 2006.
So here I am, 3 miles from the nearest bus stop, in a "city" with rather questionable public transportation to begin with. And no car.
Since I got here I've been looking. Before I got here I was looking. Heck, even in Wyoming I was looking, and people only sell rotten old farm trucks there. No car. Found a couple possibles, but they didn't work out. One needed more work than the car was worth, most in my price range lately don't have engines, and a lot of people don't answer e-mail, pick up phone msg's, or know how to pull sold cars from the craig's list listings.
And then there is today. Today there was a perfect car. $700 1990 Volvo. Nothing hugely wrong with it except that it's at the absolute other end of town. Over where my father lives, specifically. So I called the guy, and said I'd have my father call, since he was over there, figuring he might be able to beat the others to the seller's house and get the car.
The car I need to get a job, pay my bills, and continue eating and living indoors.
Called my dad, told him about the car, asked if he could check it out. Implied, but obiously didn't state clearly enough that this was my best chance, and that he'd have to do it right away- like right after getting off the phone with me. I guess I forgot who I called.
Called dad at 3:45, maybe 4 o'clock. Don't hear back, don't hear back, wonder what's happening, finally, he calls back. When he called the guy someone else was test-driving the car, but if they don't buy it, he'll call back. But it's been like half an hour, says my dad, and he hasn't called back yet.
Guess the importance of calling the guy right away wasn't emphasized enough during my original call. So no car, no job, and, at this point, rapidly approaching no hope. Does the military take clinically depressed asthmatics?
At least I know why cars are so freaking over priced right now. I guess during "tax refund" season prices go up.
I'm almost tempted to cut my "dear Santa" list down to just a car. I'm sure I don't really need $85million, Vin Diesel, a dog, and a full staff to care for me... No, I just need a car. Maybe if I'm good santa will bring me one for February 20th-mas. Alternately, I could always buy a powerball ticket. The odds are looking better for that right now.
Pleh. Stupid cars.
on the up-side, Dad actually called the guy. I think.
So I have my Tickers up. If I'm very committed, and work very hard, I should be able to take care of my first 4 debts by July of 2012. Which is a very, very, very long way away. Pleh!
The "total debts" by the way, don't include a private student loan still paid by my parents (yes, I know) of about $11,000. Otherwise I think that's everything. And isn't it enough? I mean $76k buys a forking nice car! All it bought me was about half a degree and a whole lot of travel and beer.
Call me crazy, but I think from now on I'd rather pay cash for travel and beer.
So enough depressing debt stuff for a minute. Hiding under the Debt Tickers Of Doom (+1) is a much smaller pile of savings tickers. After all, why bother paying stuff off if you don't get to do cool stuff someday. For some reason I feel the need to explain these. Like people won't understand what I'm saving for. Or maybe I think I'll forget what I'm saving for.
First is a baby e-fund, ala Dave Ramsey. He seems to show up a lot around me. Which is interesting, since he's a hard core god guy, and I'm hard core atheist, but I use what works, and he seems to work. You (or I) might notice that the little baby emergency fund is totally full (for now, baring emergencies) at $1000. Thank you IRS/ Tax refund. If I don't get a job soon this number will go down fast, but it's there now and it makes me feel so... I don't know... Not safe so much as less twitchy.
Next up is a small escape fund. $1800 is probably more than I should spend while paying off piles of debt, but if I don't have money sitting around just waiting for a trip I know at some point I'll crack. It's that whole hope for something better deal, I think. Also, it makes it easier to breathe. Inhalers are expensive, so are panic attacks and the ER trips that go with them. So some feeling of freedom is important, and the escape fund does that for me. It's enough to pay for airfare and all my expenses over a 2 or 3 week vacation- provided I go to another country. Actually I could probably do a 3 week trip on that in the states, if I didn't do crazy shopping at the same time.
Next saving goal is easy to explain- it's the extension of my e-fund from $1k to three months (estimated) expenses. I put this after my escape fund because while it's nice knowing I can survive for 3 months without a job
I don't intend to spend 3 months without any kind of job anytime soon, and
it doesn't give me quite the same warm fuzzy feeling knowing I can run away for most of a month does.
That might only make sense to those similarly afflicted. Wanderlust is a powerful thing. The longer and harder I force it down the more miserable it makes me. Some weaknesses you just have to give in to, and some people just aren't meant to stay in one place.
On to the wild Dreamy stuff. Ever since I was about 12 I've wanted to thru-hike the AT. For anyone not familiar with it, it's a 2250 mile (give or take) trail from Georgia to Maine up the east coast of the US. I think it would be fun, and amazing, and it would allow me to think, and hike, and who knows what else. I just want to do it. The $10010 saving goal includes $600 payments every month for 6 months. I figure that'll either cover insurance or debt payments, but either way, it's important to have hanging around. For the trip itself (food, transport, beer, equipment, extras, hotels in town, misc other stuff) I figured $5500. That's not a huge amount, and lots of people will say it's too low, but it's a perfectly reasonable $2 a mile, plus $1000 for equipment. Oh, and I added in 10% overall for oopses and runovers and whatnot.
Finally, my dream trip. I'm sure I'll talk about this more, eventually. For now, since this is getting long, let's just say it's a multi-year, every country in the world kinda trip. It's also a really high goal. If I can work out a way to do this trip for less, I will. If I can find a way to go sooner than "whenever all my debt is paid off and when I have enough money", AKA in about 15 years, I will.
Ok, so those are my goals. And my debts. It's kinda horrifying to put it all out there and look at the debt all in one place. When it's on separate statements and web pages and not all added up it seems, I dunno, less threatening somehow. Looking at it now, tho... Holy Carp I owe a lot! My net worth is a starter house shaped hole in my world.
Sorry, freaking out a bit. I don't think I've actually looked at it all in one place before. Anyone else have this reaction to looking at their total, or is this just me?
Four years ago I took off to New Zealand. I had about $300 in cash (thanks daddy), a passport, and paid tuition. Oh, and some credit card debt. Now, I have much much more, and no New Zealand.
Reading the other blogs out there, with people paying off huge amounts, is really getting me motivated. I've been back in the states for almost three years now. The people who made it into Vet school the year I was over there are doing their clinical year right now, getting ready to finish school in November.
All I've got to show for it is a pile of student loans big enough to buy a very nice car, and credit card bills (admittedly not all wracked up at school) that could buy a slightly less nice car. On top of that I've moved from a place where I had a (relatively) good paying job, centrally located house, health insurance, and in state tuition. I've moved to a place where, right now, I have none of that. Some things will fix themselves- a year after I change my license and voter registration I'll be in state. Once I get a job (jobs?) I'll have income, and hopefully eventually health insurance. As soon as I find a cheap, running car the location of my home will only be a problem proportional to the price of gas.
But I've decided that I want something to show for that time I was away. I've pretended on and off again to pay off or down the bills I have. I've also spent time- lots of time- pretending that the whole debacle either didn't happen, or wasn't all my fault. Until I pay off the school, the cards, and the interest, I won't be able to move on. It's one of the things that stressed me out before, and something that I need to accept about myself- I don't deal well with debt.
I'll list all my debts soon- maybe tomorrow. I know what they are- mostly- but I'm not quite ready to post them all here. I want to put them up with the spiffy little widgets that everyone else has- provided they don't cost money.
For now, though, I thought I'd just give warning. Dave Ramsey talks about Gazelle like intensity. I don't think I'm there yet. I'd like to be, but there are some things I still want to enjoy- drinks or a concert out with my sister, a new computer (I'm still using the broken laptop from four years ago), a WoW account. I realize these are wants, I just really really want them. I'm working on developing that intensity.
Since there's only so far down my spending can go, I've got to get some income. I need a full time job, a part time job, and maybe another part time job. I hope to land a server job- I think I'm bad at it, but that doesn't mean that I really am. I'm doing a cheap eating project, a dollar a day for a year (I hope). I'm working on a budget, getting an emergency fund in place, and stashing my credit cards, debit cards, and everything else in a safe deposit box, where it's tough to get to.
I'm really just starting, but I know I've got great company out there in the world. And that I really can't travel until I've got this taken care of. It's time to move on, and that means paying for my mistakes.
Follow along, it's sure to be at least a little entertaining. Like a train wreck, only without the big pile of smoldering rubble and dead bodies.
